Sunday, June 15, 2008

Father's Day decisions



Wow. Father's Day is bittersweet. This picture is why: I'm celebrating the greatest joy in my life, my little girl Danielle, while also missing my mentor, best friend, and all-around World's Greatest Dad, Ron Guilbot. I'm so glad that we were able to have a few moments like the one above, where Dad was able to hold his granddaughter (I stubbornly held out to have kids until age 39; I don't recommend this). But we were also shocked at Dad's early passing.

Other bittersweet news: we've decided not to go ahead with our build-to-order home in Austin's Circle C neighborhood. Excellent though it is, it is pricey, and we... well, I... am at a crossroads in life. A lesser wife would have given me the heave-ho long ago, but darling Mary has stuck with me, frustrated though she must be.

When I think of Dad, I think of his advice, and also of his untimely passing, and the things he wished he would have done. I don't want to have such a list when I die. I want all my "to do's" checked off, so to speak. Life is about the experiences, not the stuff, and right now, I'm thinking long and hard about what I want to experience, rather than what I want to accumulate.

Of course, the catch is that some of those accumulations help make the experiences possible. So it's a trade-off, and I am trying to find the balance. My dream has long been to act for a living. I'm not sure that's still my dream; I'm meditating on it. But my community of practice is in L.A., not Austin, as much as I prefer Austin. All of our family is here in Texas, no more than 3 hours from us, so leaving is a pretty selfish call. I'm not sure I can bring myself to do that.

But we... I needed time to figure it all out. No doubt Dad would render an answer in 10 seconds or less- whether I asked or not! Right now, I'm missing that.

A whole lot.

2 comments:

kweigand said...

Your dad would be very proud.

Anonymous said...

No, your Dad is proud of everything you do and so am I. All we ever prayed for was your happiness, all of you. Your San Antonio family is behind you always.
Your loving wicked stepmother!